Wishes and Prayers

Be careful of the wishes and prayers you ask for as they just might happen with unexpected results.
I used to wish and pray for financial relief. I finally got what I asked for, but lost my mother in the deal.

See, I was a 39 year old single mom of two that had finally had a great paying job with good hours plus the opportunity for overtime. I had all my bills caught up, working on paying off my credit card debit which was less than two thousand all combined and my student loans. I had money to take the kids shopping and even for myself too. There was even money left over and building up in the bank. Then it happened, still to this day the doctors or myself don't know what caused it but it happened. Disc Degeneration Disease. It came on out of the blue and took four months to take me down.

By then I was unable to do the basic thing, like standing, sitting, cooking and cleaning were out of the question all together. How could this happen when I still had a child at home in high school and one in college I was helping to support. Wrong question to be asking.

I was able to finish the contract on my job which had gotten an extension. I had just found a new permanent job and after three days of training setting at a desk I could not physically get out of bed for the fourth day. By that afternoon I was calling a family member for a ride to the emergency room. It was there that I was given a diagnosis along with medicines that seen to it I was kept in bed. After visiting with my PCP physician and given the same diagnosis with orders to stay in bed for three weeks. Returned to the doctor which lead to more time in bed, visiting a physical therapist and chiropractor. Almost a year later of playing all the options my doctor had I was referred to a specialist. Surgery was scheduled and went well. Relief finally.

By now, all monies had been depleted, insurance was gone, friends well the true ones were there to help with a meal here and there, rides to the doctors and groceries when family wasn't available. Family chipped in what they could but both financially and physically, helping was at a minimal. I didn't have a well to do family, ones that were like me or on fixed incomes.

This is when my prayer was for financial relief. I didn't specify how, just needed some to keep from losing my house. Car was paid off thankfully. Daily and nightly I would pray & wish for some help. It finally came when my mother passed leaving a small insurance policy which was split with my siblings. It was enough I had hoped to by me some time to get back to work. Wrong thinking there.

I was still having trouble with my back. Not the same pain but a different. Turns out that arthritis, spinal stenosis was the new pains. Along with having knee surgery to clean up a torn cartilage that was causing a limp and favoritism to the other knee throwing the back back to a bad position.  Well they got out all the torn pieces that felt like little rocks grinding with every step but could do nothing with the arthritis, doctor said that it looked like that of an eighty year old in the knee. So here we go with more physical therapy for the back and knee. After two round of that and another MRI, the doctors, three of them, had no ideas or hope. Was just something I was going to have to live with.

It gets better, last MRI showed issues with three more disc higher up in the back. Their idea turned out to be to wait and see if technology catches up.

With all this going on, from the beginning I was told to file for SSI disability. I did and have be denied. Had the State send attorney and a representative to the different appeals. Was denied because of my Associates Degree. I was told that my education would allow me to take a desk job. Sitting with pins & needles poking in my rear and down my leg. Seems this is they job I had that got me into this mess. Besides I know of no employer that will allow an employee to go home to change wardrobe through out the day. See, other issues that go with the failed back surgery as it is listed is that one has little to no control over bladder and/or bowels.

This is something I struggle with daily and especially at nights. Trying to get out of bed and make the ten steps to the bathroom in time is impossible most nights. Bladder issues are worse than the bowels, but one never knows when either will occur. Thus, I don't go places that I do not know where and how far the ladies room is. It has become easier to send someone else. Embarrassing and humility are to words I have come to know all to well.

I still have no financial relief after eleven years of fighting. Lawyers will take my case only when I am under a doctors care on a regular basis. Don't qualify for any benefits from the government or county. I live off what little I make watching grand kids and yard sales of items I acquire for others though out the year with housing and electric provided by a family member whom also pays the property taxes, so paying a doctor isn't in the budget.

I no longer pray or wish for financial relief. I gave it all to God as He has and will continue to see to it that I have what I need. Nothing more and nothing less.

So I say to you, be careful what you ask for. My prayer now is for God to guide me and provide for me what I need.

I have a tugging on my heart to start this blog in hopes of Awakening the Blind Sighted to issues that need a second thought. My prayer is that through this blog that I can get help to others. I will write on subjects I know first hand. There are subjects that my heart is heavy for.


Awakening the Blind Sighted is a term I use as I see so many that do not see what is before them. I pray that all will at least give thought to my post. You never know who's life you may change with a simple statement or thing. 


With Mother's Day approaching I will start with what I know. Find a Single Mom and do one simple thing, give her a HUG and tell her you care and God Cares. A simple thing.


This Mother's Day, find a single mom. Give her a HUG. Tell her you CARE. Help her if you can. Just listening to her can make you count your blessing for all you have. That your struggles seem tiny compared to what she is enduring.


If you have the means buy her a tank of gas, pay her water bill or any of her bills. Watch her children for a couple of hours. Take them to a park or for an ice cream your treat. Do something for her, but at a minimal give her a HUG and let her know someone cares. Share God's love with her. 

If your mom is still here, HUG her too, she won't be her forever.